Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Apple Martini = Bitch

Being a bartender, I don't remember people's names the first time they are told to me, but I do remember a person's face and cocktails they order.

Bartenders judge you by the drinks you are ordering. Long Islands? You want to get drunk on the cheap and don't really care about the quality of your drink. Cosmos? You watch way too much Sex in the City. Jack and Coke usually screams frat boy. If you drink Fernet, I know you work somewhere here in the city in the service industry.

When a woman orders an apple martini from me, she always seems to be a broke ass bitch. Yeah I said it: broke ass bitch. This group of cocktail drinkers are bitchy, bossy, high maintenance and don't tip for a damn (if they tip at all). It's like she spent all of her money on the outfit she got at Forever 21 and didn't have any money leftover for her night out so naturally, she would be the first girl who would gladly chat up a random guy in hopes of scoring a free drink from him. Trust me, I see it all night long. I should know because I am the one making the drinks and taking the cash.

I don't know what it is about this cocktail that makes these women so bitchy. Could it be because of the hangover she always get the next morning from her syrupy sweet cocktail? I just know that most of the time when I serve a woman an apple martini, she is nothing but a bitch to me and it makes me want to slap her bitch ass face.

I am always open to meet someone who defies my drink stereotypes, but I have yet to meet any nice and considerate apple martini drinkers out there. Any bitches up for the challenge?

On the other hand, if a girl is drinking shots of Jack at my bar, she gets the big, double thumbs up from me. Over the years, I have met some of my best girlfriends through a bottle of Jack. Those girls are usually hardcore and always cool by me.


Michelle said...

Sarcasm looks good on you! ;)

This is so true - I have cocktailed for many years and would have to agree.

My favorite was always red bull and flavored vodka. Then I could be the outgoing bouncy chick they relied on...

Lately I've just been laying low with my water - flushing my liver...


Cielo Gold said...

Flavored vodkas in general-gross!

I am glad someone out there agrees on the apple martinis!!

Michelle said...

Now everytime some chick orders an apple martini, I see her in a whole new way. Bad bartender bad! ;)