Apple Martini = Bitch

Being a bartender, I don't remember people's names the first time they are told to me, but I do remember a person's face and cocktails they order.

Bartenders judge you by the drinks you are ordering. Long Islands? You want to get drunk on the cheap and don't really care about the quality of your drink. Cosmos? You watch way too much Sex in the City. Jack and Coke usually screams frat boy. If you drink Fernet, I know you work somewhere here in the city in the service industry.

When a woman orders an apple martini from me, she always seems to be a broke ass bitch. Yeah I said it: broke ass bitch. This group of cocktail drinkers are bitchy, bossy, high maintenance and don't tip for a damn (if they tip at all). It's like she spent all of her money on the outfit she got at Forever 21 and didn't have any money leftover for her night out so naturally, she would be the first girl who would gladly chat up a random guy in hopes of scoring a free drink from him. Trust me, I see it all night long. I should know because I am the one making the drinks and taking the cash.

I don't know what it is about this cocktail that makes these women so bitchy. Could it be because of the hangover she always get the next morning from her syrupy sweet cocktail? I just know that most of the time when I serve a woman an apple martini, she is nothing but a bitch to me and it makes me want to slap her bitch ass face.

I am always open to meet someone who defies my drink stereotypes, but I have yet to meet any nice and considerate apple martini drinkers out there. Any bitches up for the challenge?

On the other hand, if a girl is drinking shots of Jack at my bar, she gets the big, double thumbs up from me. Over the years, I have met some of my best girlfriends through a bottle of Jack. Those girls are usually hardcore and always cool by me.

Fernet About It

If you are a bartender in San Francisco, chances are you love and live by the Fernet bottle. Fernet has instantly transformed me into a better mood during a rough shift. Fernet has helped me make it to the bitter end with a smile on my face. There is nothing like a shot of Fernet with a ginger back. It must be a San Francisco thing.

Just in case you didn't know:

Fernet Branca is a popular brand of amaro produced in Milan, Italy. It is a bitter, aromatic spirit made from over 40 herbs and spices, including myrrh, rhubarb, chamomile, cardamom, aloe, and saffron, with a base of grape distilled spirits, and colored with caramel coloring. The recipe is a secret, and was created by the young Maria Scala in 1845 in Milan as a medicine. Scala's name became Maria Branca through marriage, and the product's name was born. The Fernet-Branca is still produced in Milan by the company Fratelli Branca, overseen by the Branca family, though the recipe of the Italian product differs slightly from that of American bottles. Fernet-Branca is 40% alcohol by volume and is dark brown in color.

Fernet-Branca is usually served as a digestif after a meal, but may also be enjoyed with coffee and espresso, or mixed into coffee and espresso drinks. It may be enjoyed neat at room temperature or on the rocks (with ice).

Widely popular in Argentina, it is often taken as a national beverage. The most common preparation is with Coca-Cola. To make a Fernet and Coke, use a tall glass filled with ice, then pour the Fernet up to 1/3 of the glass, top off with Coke. Serve with the can of Coke and a straw.

Fernet has recently gained popularity the Czech Republic where it is served as a shot, or with tonic in a tall glass.

More recently, it has become very popular in San Francisco. The local bars often serve Fernet as a shot followed by a ginger ale chaser.

Fernet gained additional national visibility when it was reported that it is the favorite drink of 2007 U.S. Open winner Ángel Cabrera.

The drink was also the subject of a comedy routine of the same name from Bill Cosby's album Fat Albert, in which he describes his own experiences with the drink.

Because of its mysterious list of ingredients, there are a number of home remedies that call for Fernet-Branca, including treatment of menstrual and gastro-intestinal discomfort, hangovers, baby colic, and (once upon a time) cholera.

**Thanks Wikipedia

Could We Have Made It Anymore Clear?

True story. Sunday brunch never fails to bring in a wide variety of characters. They all seem to really dig our Build-Your-Own-Bloody-Mary bar. One guy this past weekend was rather upset and asked his server why we didn't have the bitters bottle clearly labeled. Of course she was confused and asked the man to point out the bottle to her so she could see how we had it labeled. He grabbed the bitters bottle that still had the original bitters bottle label on it just like I have shown in the picture here. At this point, what could the server do? Read it to him? I think she ended up just walking away.

Make Me Something Good.

I can't stand it when people tell me to make them something good. This statement could mean that you automatically assume I make shitty drinks and want me to step it up a notch just for you. Or maybe you don't know what you are in the mood for. But if I ask you which spirit you would like in your cocktail, don't look at me like a deer in headlights. Then I will know that you are just an idiot who doesn't know squat about cocktails and are just trying to be a pain in my ass.

If you aren't sure what you are in the mood for, cool. Give me some idea as to what you do like to drink. You don't even have to break it down into spirits. Even telling me the type of cocktails you like can give me direction. Telling me to make you something good is like telling me you need oxygen to breathe. Duh. People don't normally request disgusting tasting cocktails unless they are ordering Liquid Cocaine shots. But then again, people who order those drinks are in a class all of their own.

If you come across as one of those people who don't know squat, but are trying your hardest to pretend that know what you are talking abut and are trying to be all fancy pants/pain in my ass about it, you better believe I am going to make you a $15 cocktail. Just call it my "Pain in the Ass" price.

When I do make you something good, be sure to show your appreciation in the form of a decent tip.

A Big Bartender Pet Peeve

A Big Bartender Pet Peeve



Skip ahead to 2:45. This is a big pet peeve of mine. My fruit tray is not your personal buffet people!

Nobody wants your nasty hands and germs on their drink garnishes.

Friendly Bartenders

There is some unspoken rule here in San Francisco. Most San Francisco bartenders make Fernet their drink of choice. It's a total local, industry thing. I don't know where or why it exactly started, but I am glad it did. I heart Fernet.

I have a new favorite, local bartender. I met him last night. I got off of my shift last night early because it was slow. Instead of going home and going to bed to rest up for my Sunday brunch shift today, I went out. The club I went to was packed. I headed to the side bar only to find one bartender and a packed house. I patiently waited my turn and ordered when asked. I wish my customers would do this more often, especially the ones on Thursday nights!!

I couldn't help but like this bartender. He was friendly, had a huge smile on his face, moved fast and drank shots of Fernet with me. It was so awesome. I love meeting bartenders like him. They rule!!

Weird Dream

I had a really weird dream last night. In my dream, I had gone back to bartending at a nightclub I used to work at. When I got to my well, I looked around and noticed that there wasn't much alcohol in my well. In fact, 3/4 of my storage area was stocked with frozen food like Hot Pockets, frozen buffalo wings, fajitas and basically anything frozen you could throw into a microwave and eat. I was obviously confused.

I went up to my manager who was actually one of the owners of the bar I am working at currently (I am telling you this was a strange dream!) and asked him what the deal was with all of the frozen food in my well. He told me that they were selling more food behind the bar because people were asking for it. I reminded him that this was just a bar, a busy nightclub in fact and that we were bartenders here to serve and sell drinks, not microwaved food. I tried explaining to him that we could make more money selling alcohol then this other crap. He refused to hear me out and told me to deal with it. I told him that I couldn't take it anymore and would not work in a bar like this and walked out.

Side Note: I have NEVER walked out on a job before ever. I have always put in a notice or at least waited until the end of my shift.

What kind of nightclub would rather their bartenders serve frozen, microwaved food than alcohol? I wonder what my dream means? Is someone putting impossible or ridiculous expectations on me?