Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Wise Bar Rules To Live By

I found this online somewhere and saw a lot of truth in each of these rules. A funny, yet honest read.

1. Our names are NOT "Hey" or "Yo", nor do we respond to whistles or banging your bottle or glass on the bar!

2. Mouth closed, money out! Just because we look at you, doesn't mean we're ready for you!

3. If we are making drinks, do NOT say, "When you get a chance." Cause when we get a chance, we'll ask you what you need!

4. NEVER EVER EVER touch the bartender!

5. DON'T tell us you bartend too! We know who does, and who doesn't by how you conduct yourself!

6. There is NO SUCH DRINK called 'Kettle One and Vodka'!!!

7. If you order a "Diet Rum and Coke" instead of "rum and Diet Coke", I'm going to laugh at you like the drunk asshole idiot that you are!

8. Do NOT start the order off with, "GIVE ME A STRONG DRINK!" You are guaranteed to have the WEAKEST DRINK EVER!!

9. Don't say, "I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU" if you don't know what that means! $1.00 tip is NOT taking care of us!

10. We don't care who you are or who you know- the old lady before you hit on me too and the old lady before her and the old lady before her... We're bartenders, we want your money--I'm NOT GOING HOME WITH YOU.

11. Waving your money at us just annoys us - We know you're there and we'll get to you when we get to you!!!

13. DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT PRICES!! You drink expensive shit, you pay for it!

14. Yes, there IS alcohol in it! If you can't taste it, you've drank too much and I should cut you off!


16. Know how to order/pronounce your drinks. Do NOT say, "Can I get a Stoli's and Tonic?" It is ONE Stoli ! The same goes for ordering "a Jameson's" Look at the bottle! It's: JA-ME-SON. No..'s "

17. I can't wait to throw your stupid drunk ass out, once you cross the overall rule-of-thumb: "DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE!"

18. Last but not least, if you do tip us well and we buy you a drink, DO NOT announce that to the WHOLE bar that the Bartender "hooked you up"You will NEVER get a free drink again!

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